An Agnostic Atheist

14 Comments Add your own

• 1. BFD  |  April 6, 2007 at 11:07 am

  I haven’t had my “coming out” experience yet, although I plan to here soon. I just haven’t had the balls (nor the need, really). My mom is not extremely religious, per se, although she certainly believes in God and has her moments with God and symbolism and signs from passed family members and so forth. So, while I’m not ashamed of being an atheist, what Austin writes is dead on in that what I’m more afraid of is how she’ll react and how disappointed she’ll be in me (and, if so, how long it’ll last!).

• 2. Mike  |  April 6, 2007 at 11:14 am

  I know I can’t “come out” yet. I’m not ashamed to say that atheism is now becoming a principle that is guiding how I live, but I am afraid of my family’s reaction. If I came out I know these things would happen:

  1. I would immediately be asked to stop attending church. ( I would be considered leven that levens the whole lump.)

  2. My family - both my parents and my in-laws would call at least a dozen people to organize an intervention.

  3. Some of my current friends would disown me.

  4. I would be ridiculed by the larger faith community which I used to belong to.

  But really, even though these things scare me (in the sense that I would become pretty isolated) I would be more scared if I lived in a society that was based on theocracy. Even a Christian one. A community that believes in the absolutes of Christianity, it’s literal interpretation, would only be one step away from purging the unbeliever from it’s ranks. People think Christ was a peaceful man; obviously they havn’t read Revelation. It is the doctrine of the evangelical Christian church that Christ will slaughter all who oppose Him. They call it justice, I call it murder.

• 3. tobeme  |  April 6, 2007 at 11:51 am

  It is true, many people do not ”come out” as you expressed for fear of reprisal from freinds, family and society at large.
  The question I have for you is, why do you feel a need to come out? What purpose does it serve you to come out? I would think there would be few circumstances where you would have to talk about your beliefs. Even during a dinner time prayer that some people have, you could choose to sit in silent respect of others beliefs and not feel compelled to speak out against their beliefs.
  I would imagine that there would be times that you may have to come out, such as your own wedding, however other than that I don’t see the need to come out. Help me understand.

• 4. agnosticatheist  |  April 6, 2007 at 12:46 pm

  tobeme,

  Those are some excellent points and that ultimately is where I am today. I will always respect the beliefs of others even if I was more open about my atheism (outside of the internet).

  My reasons for wanting to come out are twofold.

  1. As I learn more about atheism, the rebel is me is rising up to want to stand for our rights, privileges, and overall acceptance. It’s hard to do that from the shadows.

  2. I’ve read many ex-Christians writing about missing the “community” and “cultural” aspects of Christianity. I would love to be involved in efforts to fill these voids.

  aA

• 5. Mike  |  April 6, 2007 at 12:47 pm

  I simply want to be free to express myself. I think honest discussion of ideas should be allowed and not shunned. But that isn’t allowed or fostered in my current faith community. Maybe I do not yet have the courage to articulate why I believe what I believe. I don’t know; but I do know that a healthy environment would be one where I could talk freely about my beliefs without the threat of excommunication.

• 6. agnosticatheist  |  April 6, 2007 at 1:16 pm

  Mike,

  I agree. I’m acutely aware of the situation within the church but my eyes were opened to where American society is in general on this subject when it was such a big deal that 1 congressman came out as an atheist.

  Funny how easily “Christian love” will disintegrate when someone steps out of their environment. It can happen even within Christianity with folks leaving one denomination for another etc.

  aA

• 7. HeIsSailing  |  April 7, 2007 at 4:16 pm

  I would not say I am an athiest, but I have definitely left Fundamentalist Christianity. I have had to come out to my wife, obviously - and while it has had its painful moments, she is gracious enough to at least try and understand my thoughts and decisions. In the process, we have both taught each other quite a bit. I have two friends in Church, one in a small group I used to lead, who I confessed to having serious doubts about Christianity. So far, one has been very understanding, although sometimes she really quizzes me about why I am even doubting. The other friend is not so understanding. Every time I see him, I end up having to defend myself. I think the pastor of our church is suspicious, since he has called our house several times, and has asked about my “faith crisis”.

  Other than a few close friends, I have no desire to come out. If the topic of our beliefs come up in conversation (which it probably won’t - let’s get real), I may bring it up then, since I am not hiding anything. I just don’t feel the need to bring further pain and confusion on old freinds of mine.

• 8. agnosticatheist  |  April 7, 2007 at 9:45 pm

  HIS,

  Thanks for sharing your experiences.

  aA

• 9. VanBad  |  April 22, 2007 at 2:16 pm

  I am just so frustrated by the prevalence of Chistian morality in society and their dogmatism over ruling all else in conversation and even politics, as if to be right in this world you must side with Christianity. There is a reality of being moral and just in this world aside from Christianity. Their justifications of hypocrisy are allowed to grow by those who remain silent, so please speak up against them. We must prove that there is good in this world born from outside God’s kingdom.

• 10. pumpladder16  |  April 30, 2007 at 3:02 pm

  yeah disbelieving in religion was easy. disclosing it to family and friends wasn’t. it’s just the worry that they’ll react drastically to the news. religion is just so pervasive in my community that coming out openly is bound to cause me some social difficulties. but with all the attention atheism is getting from the media, hopefully more people will declare themselves as atheist… safety in numbers

• 11. michael  |  January 24, 2008 at 8:02 am

  I grew up without religion forced upon me and was encouraged to learn for myself what religion was about. I always questioned faith and at the age of 19 I can comfortably say that I do not believe and am agnostic…for I simply do not know. However, I know this isn’t the “coming out” experience you may be looking for but I have very religious aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends. When I discuss my views with them and why I feel this way, they always seem to focus on the what and not the why. They then proceed to shoot back at me the fundamentals of Christianity as if I do not understand them, and that is why I believe the way I do. However, I fully understand why they believe and why they are Christians in the first place, I just don’t agree with what they think. But it always seems that whenever I speak out about my agnosticism to those who are religious they don’t UNDERSTAND why I don’t believe and why I am agnostic. They automatically pass judgements and don’t care why I’m not religious, just that I am not. They won’t even make the effort to understand or tolerate the fact that I am not. Through this lack of understanding resonates a common view that what I believe to be true is completely ridiculous and not worth understanding. Even more so, when I express my views it is automatically offensive to them. No matter what I say, they write me off from the get go and immediately throw their views back on me, as if it were common knowledge and shouldn’t offend anyone. So basically, through my experiences of expressing my views I have found that to express views of non-belief is rude or offensive whereas the imposing of any religion on anyone is acceptable. Just be prepared for this type of close-mindedness. It won’t be easy to make them understand why you are atheist/agnostic and they will probably shoot the same kind of shit right back at you and get upset that you are in fact atheist. I find it most successful to explain to them that you understand why they believe what they believe and that I only ask for the same in return, even if they may not agree with it. After all, the existence of God isn’t a fact, that’s why it is called faith.

• 12. aagnostic  |  March 8, 2008 at 12:30 am

  I have the same problem

  In some ways I think it would be easier if I were Gay, at least then i would have some kind of support system. But there is no support for secular people “coming out” to their friends and family.

• 13. Laura  |  April 11, 2008 at 8:11 pm

  I would never “come out” to my parents. Their religion is extremely important to them and I simply don’t see the point of telling them. They would fret and worry for the rest of their lives. I cannot be responsible for something so cruel as to cause that. I don’t feel the burning urge to tell them because I don’t need to prove anything to myself that it’s okay to be an atheist. I often wonder what the true motivation for this “coming out” is for others? Do they simply need the shock value of being different? Are they trying to piss off and alienate their families? is it something more benign like a misplaced trust that the family is so kind and tolerant that they would understand and respect those beliefs? I would pay great homage to the family that is capable of that, but unfortunately in many cases, christians are taught to be intolerant of this group and shun them. I know that sounds cynical, but sadly it’s reality.

  I guess my question to the atheist population at large is: what do you hope to accomplish by telling your religious family that you are atheist? What will that do? If it’s about validating your own beliefs to yourself, perhaps you have some self-evaluation to do and decide if you really believe this or not. If it’s in the hope that your family will respect it, well, test the waters first.

  I know my family knows I don’t believe in their God, but they choose not to make an issue of it, and rubbing it in thier faces would not only be rude but disrespectful and cruel. Hence, I shall never tell them unless directly asked. Just be careful how you handle the feelings of others, even if you are not shown the same consideration. Be the better person and set a good example.

• 14. Mel  |  May 11, 2008 at 1:58 am

  First of all, I came out to my family, because one Easter, my dad decided it was time to try going to church. (Little too late, right?) All I knew about his religious background is that he grew up in an extremely religious family, which made telling my parents harder.

  I don’t really ever remember believing in a god; I just never thought about it. When I did take the time to sit down and think about it, I realized that I was an atheist. I didn’t really feel the need to tell anyone then.

  One day, a friend was over for the night. We got into a few deep discussions about a few different things. First, we were talking about religion, which led to abortion, and she eventually said she didn’t believe in God. I said I was, too, and we talked about it a lot. Even though we don’t talk much these days (approaching finals), I still consider her a really good friend.

  After that, I realized I couldn’t really have good relationships with family or friends if they don’t know about me. After that, I told my mom (a Catholic), my dad (an agnostic), my brother (nicknamed Bible Boy), and a few friends. So far, none of my friends have stopped talking to me, and my family is fine with my decision. My dad actually did say, “Why aren’t you just agnostic? Atheism is pretty far to go with this.” My response was, “I don’t think we have no way of knowing about God. I don’t believe he exists.” That was the end of the discussion.

  Anyway, the point of this (as mentioned before) is that no one can really be your friend without knowing all of you. Telling my friends and family has nothing to do with pissing anyone off; it’s because I want to have friends who accept me for me. If they don’t want to be my friends because of my beliefs, they weren’t good friends in the first place.

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